Category: Living Journal
I Sit And Stare
I sit and stare. Sometimes it’s all too much. My mind goes blank, and my eyes focus, immovable on some object. My brain shuts down and the stress and worries go away. And then something brings me back. And I go on. Whatever it is that was too much, I get up and do or…
Spill The Tea
I’m sure this isn’t new for any of you to hear. Things like, “our secrets keep us sick” or “secrets allow others to have a hold on you.” It’s one of those things we hear along the way and even agree with. We may understand the concept of it, but the reality of it may…
Unending Pain
What do you do when your heart can’t take another break but the essence of who you are won’t let you give up on vulnerability and love? What do you do when faced with taking another chance and just the thought breaks your heart in two? When the pain is finally gone, and the joy…
Not The Same
I woke up today and I’m not the same as I was yesterday. One twist or turn and I shift. Yesterday, I allowed a desire to enter my mind that I had never allowed before. A primal one. Did I always desire it and hide it away in the crawlspaces of my mind or was…
You Never Loved Me
You never loved me but I thought you did. I thought that love hurt because there was something wrong with me. When you pulled away. Watching your attention go to others and never onto me. Every day going by without a word of encouragement from you to me. I thought you loved me. There had…
Get Real
Let’s get real. What does that mean? Is it relative to each of us? I believe it must be. We can only be as real as our delusions and walls allow us to be. Do you find that offensive? For me to speak so directly, as if I know we all have delusions? And yet,…
To My Boys
I am only who I am today because of you. Not in simple ways, or in little quirks, but in the most beautiful of ways. So many things have shaped my life but none have shaped it the ways you have. In ways that are so deep they shake the core of who I am.…
Moving On
“I will move on,” I tell myself. I will be stronger for it…or will I just create walls that help me avoid and disconnect? It’s okay to hurt. To admit that I may long for lost connection. Maybe always. Accepting that a love so sweet may never be found again. And with this truth I…
Shame and Blame
This certainly won’t be my most popular post. How could it be? In a world with instant gratification, and constant entertainment and escape. Why look within? Why heal? If I can make it through another day unaware and with a level of success that serves me, then why change? Why take a look at me,…
The Open Door
I feel the pain. Mine and yours and everyone’s. Animals and even days where a dying plant can pull on my heart. My mind wanting to infuse life back into it. To see it thrive. To see you and her and him and us. To see it all in beauty and strength with health and…