Category: Living Journal
I’m Insecure
I walk on this new foundation that is solid and unmoving. It has pillars made of steel and tungsten. In the moment I exist without thought or fear. Just being. And then, I don’t know what it is. But like slime slowly creeping on the floor and first soaking my feet and ever so slowly…
Positivity Is Annoying
I was wanting to write something annoyingly positive today. Something that matches the way I am feeling at this moment. And then I remembered… Being positive is annoying! Haha. I mean it is but fuck it! In a world addicted to negativity it can feel like being a foreigner in a distant land talking sunshine…
Secure
You represent a stability I have never known. A masculinity and a gentleness I didn’t know could be enwrapped within one person. You listen and you tell me what to do and through it all we both are in control of our own destiny. No push and pull but only presence. The fear is there…
End of the Day
At the end of the day does it matter how you see me? It may, if I allow it to. We say what others think about us isn’t our business but is this true? Can we be so secure that others’ treatment of us has no effect? As if the way others talk to us…
Abuse
How do I express the way it feels when you say these things today. As if I still believe them. Does the feeling come from the intended abuse, or does it come from the realization that for so many years I did believe it all? The truth that I lived in such confusion and chaos…
I Sit And Stare
I sit and stare. Sometimes it’s all too much. My mind goes blank, and my eyes focus, immovable on some object. My brain shuts down and the stress and worries go away. And then something brings me back. And I go on. Whatever it is that was too much, I get up and do or…
Spill The Tea
I’m sure this isn’t new for any of you to hear. Things like, “our secrets keep us sick” or “secrets allow others to have a hold on you.” It’s one of those things we hear along the way and even agree with. We may understand the concept of it, but the reality of it may…
Unending Pain
What do you do when your heart can’t take another break but the essence of who you are won’t let you give up on vulnerability and love? What do you do when faced with taking another chance and just the thought breaks your heart in two? When the pain is finally gone, and the joy…
Not The Same
I woke up today and I’m not the same as I was yesterday. One twist or turn and I shift. Yesterday, I allowed a desire to enter my mind that I had never allowed before. A primal one. Did I always desire it and hide it away in the crawlspaces of my mind or was…
You Never Loved Me
You never loved me but I thought you did. I thought that love hurt because there was something wrong with me. When you pulled away. Watching your attention go to others and never onto me. Every day going by without a word of encouragement from you to me. I thought you loved me. There had…