I hold my head as I never have before.
In this season I hold it just a little bit higher than I did two months ago.
“What has changed?” You may ask.
Everything.
Nothing is as it was two months ago. I cannot go back or see the world as I did before. I cannot see myself as I did before.
Two months ago I still walked in shades of shame. In guilt for not being perfect and who you all wanted me to be. I was letting go and yet I couldn’t see how much I still existed to please all of you.
This season tore me down to nothing. It left me as broken pieces on the floor ready to be swept up and never seen again. From the outside it appeared the enemy had broken me. I was destroyed and would never overcome this devastation.
But by the grace of God, (whatever that may mean to you. Or not) I sit here, and type, and I am whole. I am more me than I have ever been. Amid slander and defamation, I hold my head high in the wisdom of who I am. What the enemy came to destroy was only made stronger by his lies and fear campaigns.
What the enemy doesn’t understand is love. The enemy may know the love of power and control. He does not know true deep love for another human being. The enemy can never grasp the love of a mother for her children. It is a love that is stronger than any storm. The love of a child can withstand the biggest tsunami wave or internal earthquake that cracks your heart in two.
Love is light. Darkness cannot dim the light. It can only step in the way of the light for a short time. The light does not dim, only our ability to see it.
My love has not dimmed. It grows stronger to break through the darkness so it once again is seen. My heart is like the sun and the enemy has covered it with thick dark clouds. With every cloud my heart shines a little brighter and produces more heat, burning away the clouds. The sun cannot be destroyed by the clouds but the clouds can be burned away by the sun.
Darkness is an illusion; one that will soon be seen.
And so with the knowledge of who I am I hold my head high. A loving Mother, a faithful partner and a caring friend. A lover of adventure and leisure alike. A conundrum that never stops surprising, never stops loving, and most importantly, never gives up.
Until Next Time,
Jill
