Go harder!
That’s what I hear.
Don’t stop!
It’s like when I’m jogging up a hill and my muscles begin to burn in my legs and my breath becomes short.
This isn’t the time to stop.
This is the breaking point. The point where I slow down, or I make a different choice. Instead, this is the time to push harder. I run faster. I dig in and find my strength that lies beneath the surface covered by my negative thoughts, external pains, and even the internal ones.
Not all people know they can push past this point of pain. It feels like surrender is the only option, but we all possess more than we know. We all have fight in us, but we have to believe it before we can choose to experience it.
Then there is another extreme. Those who don’t know how to stop. When we push and push but are pushing into the wrong thing. It’s breaking us instead of strengthening us. We need to learn when to stop and slow down.
This is when we need to find balance.
Right now I’m in a place of running up that hill and the goal is on the other side and I’m determined to reach that goal. The goal on the other side is my own freedom and also much more. I have pushed too long for the wrong things. Kept going when I was breaking and needing to rest, fighting for something that would never be. My understanding was always backwards. I always fought for the things that kept me down and broken and gave up on the things that built me up and lead me to personal freedom. The tides have turned and now I push harder down the better path.
People used to call me strong and I always rejected it. I wasn’t strong. I persevered despite my weakness, but I always chose the hill that wasn’t so steep in the moment, never realizing it led nowhere and was a forever hill that kept me running up it. Now my true strength is being tested, and I feel strong for the first time ever. Despite the heaviness in my chest and the tears I weep I know this too shall pass. This storm is ugly and scary but when it is over the skies will be bluer than ever! The sun will shine brighter, and my world will be filled with more peace and more love than I knew existed.
When all odds seem down, it’s the slightest change in perception that has taken me from doom and gloom to an inner knowing that all things are working out for my good. The simple stepping back from being a victim of my circumstances allows me to step out of the emotion and see all the possibilities that may arise if I just keep going.
Instead of breaking down I will, all the more, take care of myself and eat well and sleep well and remain active in my friendships and social life. This isn’t a time to stop doing all the things that have gotten me this far up the hill.
Someday I will be able to share this time with you. All that I’m facing at this moment and the true reality of what helped me get through and what I was fighting for. Something far greater than just myself.
But for now, my message to myself and to you is, figure out which hill you are on. If there is another side to it then push harder! If you can’t see an end and you feel it may not have one, then maybe it’s time to go to that steeper hill. The one that may take more of you in the moment but leads to a peace and a freedom you have always been needing and never knew how to get to.
Until Next time,
Jill
