Have you ever had a mind shift that left you wondering how you lived a lifetime any other way? That you lived for so many years lost in a mind that thought so differently than you do at this moment.
My mind has shifted, and although it feels shockingly fast, it has happened gradually over the past few years. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had gotten to this place sooner. I don’t consider it with regret; I consider it with wonder and curiosity. There is no time to look back. The only way is at this moment moving forward.
People and places that I always judged are the only ones I want to share my time with now. Seeking something my entire life that was right in front of me, but I rejected. Lost in mindsets that didn’t serve me, seeking people and circumstances that didn’t fulfill me.
It makes me wonder what is to come. I have so much life left to live! So many more adventures and mind shifts to welcome in.
Much of my childhood and into my early adulthood I didn’t even want to live. I thought the world would be a better place if I weren’t in it. In my mind I had nothing to live for and no one that would truly mind if I didn’t exist. The freedom that would come to those around me if I wasn’t there to burden them with my inability to thrive, my negativity and self-destruction.
Oh, how foolish I was! Just a young sad girl lost in lies and delusions. I had no idea who I was, nor did I know how to find me. I drank my reality away piling up shame on top of shame. If I could go back, I would hold that beautiful girl and let her cry until her tears ran out. And then I would share with her the amazing soul that I know she is today. I would share with her the beauty of her heart and infuse in her the truth that she is a light upon this dark world.
I would tell her not to fear. That she can shed the burdens she is trying to carry. Life is but a moment and how we live it is a choice! We aren’t damned to live out the reality others have provided for us. Our power comes in choosing the reality we want to live in.
I would let her know that she doesn’t have to embrace how others see her. We all get to be who we choose. We can choose to be who others told us we were but we can also choose different. How did I not know this?!!! Always walking the path others laid out for me. That is not who I am. I forge my own path now and oh the joy each day brings! Even when there is sadness this life still breeds a foundation of joy.
Last night I sat and cried. For hours the tears streamed down my face. Sadness overtook me and so I wept. When the tears dried up my foundation hadn’t been shaken. There was no depression to be found or darkness to slip into. Only a good nights sleep and another day to choose my reality.
Most days I have moments where I am overwhelmed by the joy I am experiencing in my life. The gratitude I feel for who I am and all that I have sweeps me off my own feet.
If you are feeling down today or feel like you just can’t make it through, know that there are those of us that lived there once also. Know that we are holding you just as I would go back and hold myself. We hold the space for you to cry until your tears dry up and you are left empty. Let us fill you with the truth that from this moment forward you get to choose.
Until Next Time,
Jill
