What do you do when your heart can’t take another break but the essence of who you are won’t let you give up on vulnerability and love?
What do you do when faced with taking another chance and just the thought breaks your heart in two? When the pain is finally gone, and the joy has seeped in after years of healing and just the thought of falling for another opens that rift in your heart as if it was never mended.
Do you take a chance and let it in? What if your desire for it still exceeds the pain it causes and yet that pain is so intense it leaves you in a puddle on the floor?
Can I take a breath and stand firm, absorbing up every drip from that puddle back into a solidified me?
I am unsure why I feel so deeply. Why can one person move on and separate feelings from actions and others feel so deep that just the thought of a possible hurt can immobilize them?
Emotional maturity doesn’t mean building walls, so I no longer feel. It means despite the fear and the pain I communicate openly and consider things logically within my emotions. Not separating either but instead allowing them to work together in a harmony that may leave us still hurt in the end but able to move on. Leaving us in pain but not broken.
Possibly losing another connection but never again losing yourself!
In the end the goal is not to avoid pain. The goal is to never lose myself again. Whether in love or in pain. I would rather lose people than myself because now I know that no matter how much it hurts, to lose myself would hurt so much more.
Until Next Time
Jill
