I had so much to write about. I had even made notes in my calendar of blogs I could write this morning. Interesting topics for our minds to devour and explore. Things that keep me going and thinking for days, months or years. And now I sit here, my mind a blank canvas. Where have my thoughts gone? Has some part in me come and taken them? Is there insecurity rising up in me stealing my thoughts and leaving me without words to type?
As I sit here, I am thoughtful. And yet here I am still typing. Unwilling to stop and allow that part to overcome me. I’m being cautious of how I see this part. Am I warring against it or loving it and reassuring it that I’m okay and I am no longer in need of its protection? I thank it so dearly and I give it a hug and let this part know how much I love it for working so hard to protect me. Do I need to know what it is protecting me from? Maybe not. But I contemplate anyways. Recognizing that this part keeps me from writing my thoughts out of fear of rejection.
This part thinks: “What if no one reads this?” “What if people read it and don’t like it?” “What if you put yourself out there and no one sees you?”
Today I kindly tell this part that I hear its fears, but I no longer walk in that fear. I am willing to be on stage just to be on that stage. No one needs to see or hear me. No one needs to understand or agree with me. I get to be me today because I enjoy the person I am. I type for me and if you read this and enjoy it then it is joy on top of joy for me.
We all have these parts in us. Do you recognize yours? I continue to recognize and love my parts every day. So grateful for them but even more grateful to recognize them and become more and more the me that I am today. I am no longer broken by the woes of life, no longer a victim of people and this world. I recognize today it didn’t serve me to remain in that. Although, a part of me believed that it did serve me. I feared deeply to step out of the victim role and come alive as the author of my life. I can remain on the thoughts of the wasted years or rejoice in this day ahead. Today I am a priceless vase broken over and over into a million different pieces that recognized it still had hands and glue. And with those hands and that glue I realized I could piece together the vase that is me however I choose. Creating whatever masterpiece pleases me the most today.
My mind was an empty canvas. No thoughts to be written. And yet here is this page filled with words. My fingers satisfied from typing and my mind fluttering with thoughts ready to see what this day brings.
Until Next Time,
Jill
