Author: Jill
Big Feelings
Writing has become my happy place. I write from raw emotion and inspiration. It feels like painting a picture to me. Sometimes it’s still life and sometimes it’s abstract but for me it’s art. My other happy place is the ocean, but I don’t get there much. I can imagine my ultimate pleasure will be…
Panic
Today was the kind of day when a slew of stressors all worked together to cause a new kind of havoc in my mind and through my body. A simple daydream of a hope to come turned into a full blown panic attack. One like I have never experienced before. I’m so grateful for the…
Go Harder
Go harder! That’s what I hear. Don’t stop! It’s like when I’m jogging up a hill and my muscles begin to burn in my legs and my breath becomes short. This isn’t the time to stop. This is the breaking point. The point where I slow down, or I make a different choice. Instead, this…
Life Isn’t Fair
I still hear myself saying “life’s not fair.” I lived as a victim to that phrase for my childhood and beyond. I can still say Life is not fair, but is it? Do the bad guys always win out and the good guy loses? Or is it that we don’t know how to take control…
A Letter To Me
If I could write a letter to me as a child, I know exactly what I would say. I couldn’t say these things to myself before because I didn’t know that they were true. It took a level of self-worth to grow within me through hard work and introspection to get to a place where…
Sitting in Shit
I’m sitting today in a pile of shit. I woke up in it. I opened my eyes, and I was drowning in it before I could even take a breath. Days on end of screaming and whining. A nightmare every parent knows. Oh, how we love our children, and yet we need a break from…
Mind Shift
Have you ever had a mind shift that left you wondering how you lived a lifetime any other way? That you lived for so many years lost in a mind that thought so differently than you do at this moment. My mind has shifted, and although it feels shockingly fast, it has happened gradually over…
Fantasy
A fantasy plays in my head. It tickles my ears and soothes my mind for a time. Breeding a false hope of things I desire to come true. Allowing me to live in a delusion that holds on and breads pain and not peace. These fantasies play and I get lost in them as if…
Victim
Have you ever argued with your own mind? I find myself doing it all the time now. I argue until it’s painful. I allow the thoughts to twist and turn and push up against each other. Allowing a battle in my brain that is more painful at times than the feelings that brought up the…
Next
My heart aches but I struggle to cry. I can’t fight against tears that refuse to stream down my face. Even my tears leave me alone and dry. I feel the pools well up at the bottom of my eyes and then nothing. Begging for a release that isn’t coming. Just another broken connection. In…