Today was the kind of day when a slew of stressors all worked together to cause a new kind of havoc in my mind and through my body. A simple daydream of a hope to come turned into a full blown panic attack. One like I have never experienced before.
I’m so grateful for the little bit of training I have had with working with the parts inside of me. If you don’t know anything about working with parts, it is based on the healing model of IFS (Internal Family Systems) by Richard C. Schwartz. Although I don’t agree with all that his model touts, I can say that even Carl Jung spoke about parts. It’s not a completely new concept but it is a transformative one.
With the little knowledge I have, I recognized how quickly I was spiraling and immediately put my arms above my head (by instinct alone) and went into mediation in my mind of being back in my safe room where I first met my parts. This allowed my mind to separate from the anxiety and the panic I was feeling and instead of “be it” I began to “hold it.” Hold those parts of me that were coming up all at once causing this overwhelming attack of anxiety and emotion.
We all see the healers on Youtube and tv looking so well put together. We read their books and are in awe of their wisdom and strength. But what we don’t see is all the work that it took them to get to where they are. And even when they are showing up for us looking so put together their journey hasn’t ended. No one person has all the answers and life is a never-ending process. But what I can say is that at some point we do get over the hump of it all and the battles aren’t as much of a struggle as before. We walk them out with grace and affirmation that guides our steps and allow it all to work out as it should. We can walk in this deep inner knowing.
Sometimes, when I write something that is hyper positive and appears as if it is coming from my strongest moment, it is actually coming from a moment of weakness. But I don’t give into that weakness. Instead, I talk to myself, or I write it out. I dig deep and find my strength within the writing, or the pep talk I give to myself. I’m not writing from a place of having it all together but instead a motivated place of doing the work that it takes to make it through.
So often I hear, that’s good for you but that’s not me. Or you’re so strong, I could never do that. I call bullshit! I can smell bullshit a mile away.
It’s fear that is driving that person and a mentality of victimhood and lack. We first must change our mentality to one of thriving and abundance. It takes constant self-talk and the swatting away of negative thoughts as if caught in a killer bug trap and trying to survive and escape with swarms of killer bugs all around. Slowly and with a lot of work, the bugs get tired and slow down just enough for us to see clearly and escape.
Changing our life and inner realm is possible for anyone. And just because we have changed it doesn’t mean life ends and there aren’t any challenges. Sometimes along the path to enlightenment the challenges get harder and harder the closer you get. Sometimes, with a lifetime of healing and a new found love of self, you might find yourself one day in your room folding laundry, having a thought…then panic. The difference is that today I don’t let that panic overtake me. I do what it takes to ground myself and move on.
In every moment we have a choice.
In this one choose you!
Until Next Time,
Jill
