I have been dying to talk about Sex! Sex sells. Lol. Yes, it does. But why is it still such a taboo topic? I think mostly because it can be used to defile and destroy others. Because we can use it in a way that hurts and causes mental, emotional and physical illness.
So many of us have sexual trauma. This sexual trauma can send people in two different directions. One, becoming oversexualized and two, becoming ashamed of sex and triggered by it. So, what do we do with this? I don’t know. I don’t have any insightful answers. What I do have is a personal mission to find the beauty and goodness in sex and claim my sexuality without denying it or becoming over sexualized.
Like, why not, at a dinner party, me and my partner are feeling frisky, and we tell the others we are going home for a long night of sexual exploration with one another? Why does this have to be TMI? Keeping things new and fresh sexually with a partner can help keep your connection strong. Is it wrong to talk about our fantasies and all the kinky things we want to explore? Clearly within boundaries. Children don’t need to hear our sexual fantasies. But in a room full of adults, why is this still taboo? We all are alive because of the act of sex, and if we are adults, we all most likely have engaged in sex. I dare say that making it a common topic of discussion can make it a healthy act for us all.
My Mom didn’t talk to me about sex. She handed me a book, “Our Bodies Ourselves,” when I was about 13 or 14 years old. It was a huge book, and I opened the pages and looked at some pictures, but I never read it. I have no idea what happened to the book. For me, I started learning about sex when I was in elementary school and my middle school neighbor gave me a book to read called “Flowers in the Attic” by V.C. Andrews. I was that girl that marked all the pages with sex scenes and read them out loud to all the kids on the back of the bus. I am very aware of what happens on the back of the bus as our young children ride to and from school. Because of this I talk to my boys about sex early. Earlier then I think I should have to. Because I want them to learn about it in a healthy way from me. And it opens discussion and communication, so they feel comfortable talking to me about sexual things later on, in hopes it cultivates a healthy relationship with sex and their bodies.
So here I am at 44 with an unhealthy relationship with sex. So, I’m choosing to talk about it. I have truly enjoyed exploring kink sights and learning all about others sexual interests. It has opened me to a world of understanding I didn’t have before. I see how partners can make their sexual experience into something exciting and enjoyable for both partners and I have seen how so much of our trauma is played out in our sexual preferences. So often we play out our trauma through sexual interest and kinks and fetishes leaving us in a place where we hold onto these traumas. I also see how traumas can be healed through sexual experiences and exploring kinks and becoming comfortable with our own sexuality and desire. As with anything else in life we can use it to heal or hold onto trauma.
I write all this to open the discussion and invite you in to talk more openly about sex and your desires. Let’s get healthy and have fun doing it!
Until Next Time,
Jill
